From the Journey devotional (thank you Mrs. Jean for thinking of me and sharing):
"The difficult circumstances of our lives aren't always caused by blatant sin. In fact, difficulties and hard times can be ordained by God. Sometimes He puts certain people through a crash course of faith using hard circumstances because He has great things for them to do based on the growth they gain from their trials.
We want God to be really smooth and easy, and we want obedience to always lead to a calm, trouble-free life. But that's not the way life works. Our faithfulness isn't directly proportional to how easy our lives will be.
Our idea that God isn't at work in a situation unless it's calm is not a biblical perspective. The Apostle Paul wrote, 'We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed' (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).
If you are going through hard times, don't automatically assume that you must be doing something wrong or that God is disciplining you. Seek Him out. Walk with Him and know that He will accomplish His purpose in the middle of your circumstances whether or not you eve know what that purpose it. Take heart: God is working through your circumstances. He will never let His children endure pain without a purpose, and we'll never go through it alone."
In late June, early July, the symptoms of my Pseudotumor had returned. I knew I was due an appointment with Dr. Holman (my Ophthalmologist in Montgomery), so I did not see any reason to call Dr. Vaphiades (my Neurosurgeon in Birmingham). When I went to see her, she examined me and told me the optic nerves were swelling again and she thought it was best that I go back on the Diamox. Now remember, I have just come off of this in May. So, needless to say, my bubble had been busted and I felt like we were starting over at square one. I went ahead and called Dr. V to tell him what she had found and he agreed that going back on the low dose was the best thing to do. To say that I was not happy would be an understatement.
James and I were traveling to Birmingham that day for a dear friend's funeral, so I had a bit of a ride to think about and try to make sense of it all. You know, it has been easy for me to sing God's praises when it seemed like we were turning pages in the right direction and things were going well. Now, my faith was really to be put to the test. Would I be strong enough to sing His praises, even in this storm? I found myself feeling a little guilty for having a bit of a pity party (if you know me, you know what I say about pity parties; no one is there but you and the devil) over my news, seeing how we were going to say goodbye to a friend who was leaving her husband, 2 sweet children and parents behind. Where did I even have the right to upset with the fact that I was "just having to go back on meds"? I was then reminded that even though it may not be such a 'big deal' to others, it was to me and because it is to me, it is to my God. He cares when I am hurting, when I am upset, when I don't understand and when I am frustrated. He cares enough to listen and to console. He cares enough to help me see the there is light at the end of the tunnel, if only I trust Him to get me there.
As we sat at Jamie's funeral and I saw picture after picture of this sweet face scroll through a slide show, I was reminded that God is good-all of the time! He placed a smile on her face and in her heart, even when I am sure she did not feel like smiling. She sent words of encouragement to so many others, when I am sure her heart was breaking-she never let you know it, though. Friend after friend spoke about how Jamie met this disease with grace and fought it like a true champion. I decided then that I was going to "put on my big girl panties, and deal with it!"
Funny how God works. My foot had to be put in a cast (nothing serious, we are just trying to avoid surgery) so that has kinda put a little stumbling stone in my path- only because I let it, I suppose. But one positive thing it has made me do-slow down and take time to focus on my spiritual walk and prayer life. Within about an eight week span, I was taken off of my Diamox (a high), my daddy became sick and was placed in the hospital (which ended up being about a 25 day stay) (a low), my friend Jamie died (a low), my foot had to be placed in a cast (another low), headaches began (ugh...), had to go back on the Diamox (the valley), daddy was released from the hospital (yea!!! a mountain top) and a couple of friends were going through difficult times in their lives (the pits), several days of bad headaches (yuck) and got to come back off of the meds (Yippie!!) just this week. Needless to say, it has been an emotional roller coaster! Through all of this, God has reminded He is good by sending little rays of sunshine here and there to provide happiness along the way. Conversations with dear friends (adopted grandparents) who remind us that He is good-ALL of the time, a witty comment from my sweet Evan, a hug around the legs and an 'I Wuv You' at just the right time, a hand squeeze from my hubby or just the assurance that everything was going to be ok. No matter how big or small those moments may have been to the other person, they were huge for me during this chapter of my life. God knows just what we need when we need it!
That is why I can say, without a doubt, that I KNOW the words of this devotion are true. God walks through all of life's storms with us. Without Him, it would be impossible. If He were not there, smack-dab in the middle of it all, we would just throw our hands up in the air and make a huge mess of it. He is the one that holds us together. He provides those little rays of sunshine-even when we can't see that is what it is at the time. Each and every situation He gives us is an opportunity to allow Him to do a great work in our lives. We have to be willing to let Him shine. We are just the vessels. He loves us when we are not lovable. He listens when all we want to do is scream. He understands when we are angered. He calms the storms and provides smoother sails.
I want people to see that through it all, I glorified Him. Through the good days and the bad, when my heart was happy and when it ached, when I saw the clear path and when I was walking by faith alone. I want others to see Him living in me. He wants the best for me and I know that. He has a perfect plan for me and I know this because I know that He loves me so.
No matter what may come, no matter the storm clouds that may be waiting just ahead, I will praise my Savior! He gives me the good days and I know He will guide me through the bad.
Until next time...
