How do you eat an elephant?!?!

Man! Ever felt like there was SO much you wanted to do and SO little time to do it? I am not talking about the every day, run of the mill type things (I do have a lot of those, too). I am talking about "LIFE" things, things that will make a difference. God has given us all the same amount of time in a day, but there are some whose "I'll get to it one day" just never happens (for whatever reason). I have been keeping a mental list of things that I want to get around to. Maybe if I actually write them down, it will make it a little easier to make it happen. Some of these things seem rather ambitious, maybe that is why I feel the need to blog about them. I know my prayer warriors are reading and you can help hold me accountable!

Ready for Heather's Now or Never List??
*This may be one of the most ambitious...I would love to write and publish a women's devotional book. To some of you this may come as a surprise- but to others you know I love to write. I took a chance a couple of months ago and wrote the devotions for our Women's Retreat. No one there knew I had written the literature, so when I heard a few talking about how much they enjoyed it, it made my heart smile. I feel like this is a project God has laid on my heart and I should just obey...right?! It may be now or never!!

I LOVE being a Child Life Specialist and miss being able to use my skills to work as one. I struggle with the fact that I live in an area where there are no opportunities for my field. That needs to change! Maybe I need to be that change agent! I should not be afraid to put myself out there and share what I have learned about the field to help others grow. It may be now or never!!

I would like to work more diligently with my photography business. God has made a way for me to work as a photographer part time and has blessed my business beyond belief this year. There has to more opportunity for growth. It may be now or never!!

My heart's desire is to make a difference no matter what it is that I am doing. I want to be a positive light in a dark world. I am constantly searching for opportunities to serve and do the greater good. When opportunities present themselves, I can't be afraid of what it may cost. It may be now or never!!

When I look into the eyes of my little man, I want to be the greatest mom he could ever imagine. I want him to know that God is the center of my life because he sees me living a life that is pleasing to Him. I want to take the time to know all of the things that make Evan giggle and be filled with joy. I want to love on him now so that he will understand the importance of loving others later. I want to invest time and energy in him that we will never get back, something that will make a stamp on his life forever! It may be now or never!!

I (still) want to be the daughter that brings joy to my parents (family). I want them to be proud of the woman that they helped shape me to be. I want them to look at me and know that they have done a great job. I want to never forget how special family is and take the time to share with them my happiness and frustrations. It may be now or never!!

I want to be the woman that James wants to love forever. In a society where turning and running away from one another when times get rough seems to be answer, I want us to always run to one another and cling to one another. Our friendship and love is a gift and I NEVER want to take that for granted. I want to be open enough to share with him the things that make me happy and sad, my loves, my passions and my mistakes. I want him to know without a doubt that he can trust in me to love him forever! It may be now or never!!

So, how can I do all of these things? Impossible, you say?! Nah! Just as you eat an elephant one bite at a time, I too can do all of these things. I must remember to trust in God to take care of the small things, even as I trust Him to handle the big things in my life. Please join me in prayer that I will be the God-fearing woman that He has called me to be. It all starts by making positive changes in your (my) life. I need to learn to sit and listen and not feel like I have to do all of the talking when it comes to my conversations with God. He has an opinion, too!! :)

What are the things on your "Now or Never" list? Maybe you need to jot them down to keep them fresh on your mind or share them with others so they may be bathed in prayer. God grants our hearts desires and He loves to fulfill them. I understand that it is in His timing when all things are made perfect. Take a look back over the things in your life that may have worked out differently had you had all the say so...I will leave that one for another post! :)

On a side note, some have asked about a medical update. Things are going well. There have been no headaches for some time. As a matter of fact, I have lost count of how many weeks I have been headache free! Praise the Lord!! I go back to see Dr. V in May and am anxious to see what he has to say. I still have not been able to have a Mt. Dew (some days that is so hard)- we are talking since OCTOBER!!! I think I would go into shock if I were to have one, now! Some of my tastes for my favorite things have returned, however most have not. My taste buds have changed drastically, but it has helped to keep the weight off. I seem to be continuing to lose, but I do ask that you continue to pray that I can withstand the temptations to over eat. Keeping this weight off is a must!! There are some days when I when I just want to be angry about this whole situation and not being able to move forward with expanding our family, but then I look back on how God has moved within my life. There has been more growth over these 5 months than I have had in a long time. I have seen the power of Jesus work strongly in my life and in others around me. When I take the time for this reflection, I can't help but smile and know that "all things work together for good, for those who love the Lord." He has a plan and I am so thankful that He has allowed me to be part of it. I may not see the full picture, but the bits and pieces are looking good so far!!

When things seem to be getting the best of me, I just try to remember that he loves me so!

Until next time...

Life is full of uncertainty!

Our Sunday school lesson this past Sunday was on trusting Jesus when you don't know the outcome and praising Him even when things don't turn out the way you think they should. That one kinda hits you in the gut!

Life is full of uncertain times. Situations change and people come and go. The one thing I have found for sure is that my God is ALWAYS there! He never leaves us and always has our best at heart. He only wants for us success and happiness. Now, does that success mean that we will all be owners of fortune 500 companies and make more money that we ever dreamed possible? No, but does that really measure success? I don't think so.

There are people in my life who are currently in the "holding circle," waiting to see what is going to happen next. As hard as I know it is, they must trust that God is in control. We talked yesterday about how you truly know if you are following God's plan or just going the way you want it to go. I have found that when I pray and ask for God's direction, if I follow His will, He provides a peace that cannot be measured. It is easier to sleep at night and I just feel at ease. When the thoughts of doubt cloud my mind, I feel like that is God telling me that I may need to take a second look at my approach. Maybe it is not the right time, maybe I should wait, maybe that is not His plan.

I felt led to share this because I think we all struggle with this from time to time and just maybe I needed a little "extra" dose of it today. One thing I know for sure, when I can't be certain of anything else, is God's love for me is amazing! He loves me so much and oh how He loves you too.

Until next time...

When God Moves

Ever been standing in a room and felt the spirit of the Lord move all around you? Well, I did this past weekend as we had our Women's Retreat, "Clinging To God's Promises," and what a great time we had! God moved and needs were met. Our praise and worship was led by Matt Treherne from New Life Baptist Church in Brent, Alabama and it was amazing. It is so funny how God works. I had not shared with Matt the theme for the weekend, however God led him to the songs that went just perfect with our theme. The words that we sang were never more true than they were this weekend.

Our first speaker, Ginger Jacks from Montgomery, had an amazing testimony how God can and will get you through some of the darkest days you could ever image going through. She lost her daughter to a car accident at the young age of 18 years old. Her daughter, Virginia, was so full of life and in love with Jesus. She shared some things Virginia had written just weeks before her passing. They were so inspiring to others and such comfort to this grieving mother. One thing I remember Ginger sharing was when they had to tell their youngest son that Virginia had been killed. She said that he looked at her and asked, "When Virginia was born, did God know then when she would die?" WOW! Our Lord and Savior knows everything about us. I think it is amazing that He allows us the opportunity to live here on this earth and all He really asks is that we be a witness for Him. Is your light shining?

I put my friend Alison Cottingham on the spot and asked her to share her testimony of how God had moved in her life. At the age of 3, Alison's little girl, Carys was diagnosed with a Wilms Tumor. She talked about how God had been preparing her for that diagnosis and the road they would travel as a family for a long time. I can't help but wonder what He is preparing me for? How does God want to use me? Will I be ready? Praise God! He healed Carys and she is now a healthy 7 year old...a sassy 7 year old if you ask her mama. It is amazing to see prayers be answered. Some are the way we want, some are not. You see, Alison, lost her father to cancer at the early age of 40. She has been on both sides of this disease. She has seen God heal and restore and she has seen Him call his children home. Lessons were learned when she lost her dad that helped her face Carys's illness. Lessons were learned throughout Carys's illness and treatment that she will carry with her forever.

Our last speaker of Saturday was my amazing friend Jamie Cagle. Jamie is 34 years old and is fighting a very aggressive form of cancer. She has 8 tumors in her liver and her options are few. Throughout Jamie's testimony, she shared how God had planted "special people" in her life to help her through this trying time. You never know whose life you have been placed in to be a guiding stone from time to time...whether it be a listening ear, a car rider for a medical trip, a hand holder or a prayer warrior. Are you asking for God to show you where He wants to use you to help others? Her message to us was not to take one moment for granted. To live each moment for the moment because you don't know what the next holds. Jamie is a fighter and I have no doubt that God was smiling down on her this past weekend. She gives Him the glory for each day. Please join me in praying for this dear friend. She is fighting a battle where the odds are stacked against her, however she BELIEVES that God will heal! She is praying for a miracle! Will you join us in this petition?

Hearing women cry out to Jesus to meet their needs, physical, emotional and spiritual is like nothing else. To be in a room where you are able to feel vulnerable enough share your hurts, your hearts desires and your tears is a powerful thing. The prayers of God fearing women is amazing. To know that you have sisters in Christ lifting you up is an overwhelming feeling. God has called us to lift one another up, to love one another and just simply be there for one another. This weekend, new relationships were formed and I know there were some mighty prayer warriors praying. God has heard our cries and I can not wait to see how we choose to move. No matter where you are, no matter what you are going through, He is a God of forever. He designed and created you to be you...just the way you are. He wants to be the one you turn to, He wants to dry your tears and take away your hurt. Oh how He loves you!

Until next time...

When life hands you lemons...Give them to Jesus!

Man! What a roller coaster ride it has been over the past 2 weeks. The headaches returned and medication had to be adjusted and adjusted again. I was rather saddened over the increase in the Diamox for I know that coming off of that is the only way James and I can move forward with having another baby. God knows what He is doing...we just have to trust in Him. I guess my heart was not fully doing that since the headaches began after being taken off of one and reducing the other medication. Knowing and doing are two different things. Maybe we are entitled to be 'upset' for a day or two until we can come to grips with the fact that there are worse things out there. I am sure God understands.

This past weekend was really tough. I had a headache the entire weekend and nothing was a remedy. It would be nice if these pesky things were like normal headaches and an Aleve, some chocolate or a nap would fix it, but nothing does. The pain behind my eye was so bad on Saturday, I told James it would feel better just to pop my eyeball out with a fork...sorry for the details! That sounds pretty gross doesn't it?!

Sunday came and as my eyes opened, I remember thinking, "Is it there?" YEP! The headache was there! Most of the day it was just a dull pain behind my eyes. These headaches this past weekend were different than the others, they lasted pretty much all day. Typically, they would be gone by lunchtime. I had too much to do to have a lasting headache! An awesome day of Sanctity of Life at church that I did not want to miss, an interview for a summer babysitter (she is awesome by the way!), meetings and then a seminar. Too much to do to be down with a headache. God gave me the strength to get up and get going! Life can't stop because of a pain- no matter how much we want it to for a while-we must carry on!

Yesterday morning James reminded me to call Dr. V and let him know that the increase in Diamox and no migraine medication was not working. I called and spoke with Dr. V (may I just interject that I LOVE it that when I call, I speak to him...not his nurse, not an assistant, but HIM! God knew that I needed for this man to treat this disorder. He had a plan!) and he was on board with us decreasing the Diamox to 250 mg/day and adding the migraine medication again. This was a medication combination that we have not tried yet and guess who woke up this morning WITHOUT a headache...that's right! I did! I am not going to put too many eggs in my basket just yet, but this may be the right dose for me for now. Thank you Lord!

I am so thankful that I have a doctor who will listen when I call and say something has to change, for a staff who makes sure that he knows I have called and works to get him to the phone as soon as possible, for this medication and even though we have to play with it from time to time, it works, for my family who cares enough to pray for me daily, for my church family who loves me and wants to see me healed and medicine free and for James who puts up with me when I don't feel good and somehow knows when to call "just to check on me." God is so good and He never ceases to amaze me! My new motto is going to be "When life hands you lemons (and you know everyone's does) GIVE THEM TO JESUS!" He wants them. He knows what we need way better than we do! He wants to see us happy and pain free and oh how he loves us!

Until next time...

Even if but for a short while...

Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint."

I've had to go back, read my last post and pray over the words that flowed from my heart. A couple of hours after I posted yesterday, my medication dose was increased back to 500mg/day due to headaches. I had put off calling the dr. thinking that the headaches were just my body trying to adjust...wishful thinking! When I spoke with Dr. V he told me I had two choices. 1)Go back to the migraine pill at night (which made me grumpy) or 2)Increase the Diamox back to 500 mg each night. I feel like I can tell a difference in my mood since coming off of the migraine medication, so I chose the Diamox (not happy about it, though!).

I am sad to report that I woke up with a headache again this morning. Maybe the increased Diamox is not what I need...who knows?! This is all a trial and error case I guess and we have to play with it until we have the right combination.

Everyone is telling me that it could be worse and I know that in my heart-these small setbacks just don't make me a happy girl!

I guess today's prayer request is that I will be able to see the bigger picture and stop focusing on the here and now. God has a plan, I just must be patient enough to allow it to unfold. I have to remember that He holds me in His hand and oh how He loves me!

Until next time...

There is always a silver lining...

Sorry it has been so long since I've updated. Last Tuesday, James and I traveled to Birmingham to meet with Dr. Vaphiades for my first re-check since being placed on my medication. For some reason, I was very nervous about this visit! I don't know if it was because I was afraid the scales would not give me credit for losing the weight (15 lbs!!), if it was because it was my first visit back or if secretly I really wanted good news-like getting to come off my medication! Before we left, I had already decided that at least a decrease in the meds would be a good thing!

They called us in and asked some questions, then off to the scales we went. The first scales gave me a number I was not so pleased with, so the nurse took me to the set where I had first weighed back in October! Much to my pleasing, those scales read much better!! We then were off to see Dr. V! He came in and gave me a good look over and said that my eyes looked good. He noted that the swelling of my optic nerves has gone down!! YEA!!!! He commented on my weight and told me to keep up the good work! He then looked at me and asked: "Would you like to come off some of your medication?" Well, hello! That is a no brainer! This girl wants a baby and needs to be off the meds for that to happen! With a huge, I mean HUGE smile on my face, I said "Yes, Sir!"

We talked about the migraine medication I was taking at night and I told him I thought I could do without it. I really feel like it had changed my mood for the worst and it may be best that we not continue with that. He agreed and told me he was comfortable with me decreasing my Diamox to 250 mg at night (from 500 mg). This made for one happy girl! I don't know how much I heard after this point! I do not have to go back until May. What a relief! I have 4 more months to get more of this weight off and pray over these optic nerves!! God will continue to move and work-in His time!

Sweet James treated me to dinner afterwards and then to Target! Fun date time with the hubs!

It is so hard NOT to see how God has had His hand in all of this from the beginning. He allows little curves in our paths to deter us from time to time. Maybe we need to gain sight of His plan and realize that our way is not the best way. Little bumps in the road only heighten our dependency on Him. They cause us to grow in ways that we may never had before. He pulls us closer to Him and teaches us to lean on Him for all of our needs. Then, He helps us to see the people He has placed here on earth just for us! I must say He has blessed me with the most amazing family, friends and prayer warriors ever! All because He loves me so! Oh how He loves me. He continues to show His love for me every day. I don't always stop to realize it, but the love is always there. My God is amazing and His mercies are new every day. My prayer is that everyone is able to see the silver lining in their situations and circumstances. That silver lining is Jesus. He is the good when there seems to be no good. He is the love that helps us endure. He is the everlasting protector that has our best interest at heart.

Our Women's Ministry is preparing for our annual Women's Retreat. This year, the theme is "Clinging To God's Promises." We must do that each and every day. Cling to his promise of love and mercy! Cling to Him!

Prayer Requests:
1. Please remember my friend Jamie Cagle. She is fighting cancer and needs a lift from the Lord daily. She is in her 30s and facing tough decisions. Her faith is strong and she knows that God is still working miracles. She is waiting patiently for hers. Her husband Brandon is a rock, but I can't imagine the toll this has taken on him. She has 2 girls who she adores and her parents still she her as "their little girl." Please lift them up with me!
2. Please continue to pray that the weight will come off. This seems to be the trick to "fixing my head!" haha If that is even possible!! :) My appetite is better some days than others, however my taste buds have not returned to normal. This could be a good thing. Since my favorite things don't taste as good as they once did, it makes it a lot easier not to eat the things that are not so good for me. I still have not had a soda since October. Some days (most days) a Mt. Dew sure would taste good!! I am learning to adjust!
3. Please continue to pray that the headaches, as mild as they may be some days, will stay away. It is frustrating to have these pesky things that will not seem to go away some days-no matter the amount of Aleve that I take and I don't want to have to call the Dr. Going back to an increased amount of medication is not what we want. I am learning that what we want may not always be what God sees that we need.
4. Please join me in praying for our Women's Retreat. God is all over this and He has prepared a wonderful weekend of spiritual renewing for us! He is ready to meet us. Please pray that our hearts and minds will be ready to receive him. Please pray for our speakers and for those who will be attending. Let's cover this weekend in prayer together. We will join together January 27-28. I can't wait to share with you what took place!

Until next time...

Almost A New Year!

WOW! Can you believe that 2011 is almost behind us? Where in the world did the time go? It seems the older I get, the quicker time goes by. As I sit and think about the year gone by, I have so much to be thankful for (in no particular order): (1)James and I have been blessed with the most amazing little man (even though we may want to ring his neck sometimes)! His desire to know more is inspiring and his love for others is overwhelming. He really does have a sweet heart. It melts my heart to hear him tell me that he loves me. (2)My health. Even though it seems as though we made LOTS of visits back and forth to doctors offices, it could have been a lot worse. My epilepsy has been controlled and for that I am so thankful. (3)Our families. Without them we would be lost. From last minute babysitters, to lending much needed advice, they are always there. Family is so important and I hope that is one thing that we are able to teach Evan that he will carry with him forever. (4)Our amazing friends. They are the ones that we cry out to when we need someone to pray. I am so thankful for my "oldies but goodies" and my new found friends all the same! I firmly believe that God brings people in and out of your life to fulfill pieces that you never knew you needed. Sometimes, we get lucky and those people stick around for a while. We love you guys! (5)Our jobs. The economy is still having a tough time and there are still so many without jobs. I am so thankful that James and I are both able to work. (6)Touch of Talley Photography. This hobby turned part-time job has been such a release for me! It has allowed me to explore my creativity, make new friends and help others make memories that will last forever! Thank you to my clients for helping me make this dream a reality. (7)Our wonderful church and church family. This year, they have ministered to our family in more ways than we can count. The endless prayers, the meals, the hugs, and the visits have warmed our hearts. I don't see how people make it through difficult times without a church family to lean on. The people of First Baptist Wetumpka are the greatest! (8)Our salvation. Without Jesus we would be lost. He is the rock that we cling to and the light that we look for at the end of the tunnel. He is our saving grace. Jesus has brought us to where we are and I know that He is guiding our path. My prayer is that we will continue to seek His will and follow with an open heart. (9)And last but not least, each other. Well, I am thankful for James and I hope he is thankful for me! He is my best friend. At the end of the day, he is there for me. I love to see his face as I close my eyes to sleep and feel his kiss in the morning light. How lonely would this world be had God not created us for one another? It was His intent, His plan and for that I am so THANKFUL!

Over this past weekend, we celebrated the birth of our Savior, grieved with friends over the loss of their loved one, pondered over what is to come and hopefully (at some point) remembered to thank Jesus for all He has done. My God is great and I feel so blessed to be able to praise His name.

I pray that your 2012 will be even better than your 2011. I pray that you find peace with Jesus and yourself. I pray that all the "lessons needing to be learned" come quickly-maybe I should say, I pray that you learn those lessons quickly. God has so much to teach us; things to make this life better than we ever dreamed. Share your hopes and dreams with Him and watch Him make them a reality. Love on the ones you hold dear. Tell people that you love them. Give hugs and kisses while you can and never stop believing that God is great. Just remember oh how He loves us!

Until next time...

A Little Update

Greetings All! I did not realize it had been so long since my last post. Things medically are going really well. I had a few episodes of some headaches and return symptoms several weeks ago, however we discovered that I was being over-medicated. How about that?! It is strange that you have a condition that has these symptoms and the medication they put you on also have those as side effects. How in the world are you supposed to know the difference when they are exactly the same?! Fortunately, my great Dr. V did. After one phone call, he felt confident that "too much medicine" was my problem. He decreased it by half and placed me on a small dose of a migraine medication at night. It was crazy at how quickly those symptoms/side effects went away! Praise the Lord!

This quick fix was an answered prayer of mine. I was fearful that I was going to have to undergo another spinal tap and have to be off work for an extended period of time. Dr. Troglen has been so good to work with me and support me when I needed to be off. Here is yet another answered prayer.

Those of you reading and following my blog may think that each and every time all I do is say "this is an answered prayer..." but that is truly what this whole experience has been...one answered prayer after another. Our God is so faithful and true. He never leaves us and oh how he loves us!

Most of you know I was told that losing weight was going to be a huge factor of treatment for me. The Dr. wanted me to lose 10-15 pounds and to date, I have lost 15. This is huge for me seeing how I have no, I mean NO self control when it comes to my favorite foods!!! :) My taste buds have changed due to the medication, so that has helped a great deal, but I also know I have had a lot of people praying that I would be able to do all that was necessary to lose the weight and control the side effects of the pseudotumor.

I am so thankful for my family and friends that have rallied around me to support and love me through the diagnosis and beginning stages of treatment. There was so much that we just did not know for a while. Now, I am glad that I can say with a smile on my face that I am finally feeling like Heather again!

Some have asked about James and me having another baby. With this medication, being pregnant is not an option. I go back to see Dr. V in January and I am very anxious to see what he has to say about me staying on the medication. He is not one that feels that medication is the answer and for that I am thankful.

Prayer Requests:
Please be in prayer that James and I will be open to hear all that Dr. V has for us in January and that I (mainly) will be ok with staying on meds if that is what he feels is best for me. Also, please pray that I will be able to continue with the weight loss. From what Dr. V has told me, the more weight I lose, the better my chances are at keeping the side effects away.

Thanks again for your continued prayers, love and encouragement.

Until next time...

Unexpected Surprises...Expected Answered Prayers!

We made it through the weekend without too much talk of "Next Tuesday." Jesus and I talked a lot this particular weekend. I know that He knows our hearts, but sometimes (always) He wants to hear from us just what it is that we want. So, in true Heather form, I began to tell (ask) Him. I had not been scared about any of this until I was sitting in that chair looking across from my dr. unsure of what he was about to tell me. So, I prayed about my fears. Over the past 4 years I have learned that I don't do fearful very well. I like to be confident. I like to feel confident in decisions, I like to feel confident in others, and I like to feel confident in myself. I was missing that. So, I prayed. I needed for Him to take that fear and wash it all away...I could not do it. I needed for Him to restore my vision that seemed to be getting worse with each visit and test. It was obvious that there was nothing I could do about that either. It had to be a God thing. On the way home for church Sunday morning, WE had church in the Talley Durango! These words rang through our speakers and tears began to flow down my cheeks. It was just like He knew what I needed to hear in that very moment!
"When I call on Jesus! All things are possible! I can mount on wings as eagles and soar!
When I call on Jesus! Mountains are gonna fall! Cause he'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call!!"
Now, I call that a true Jesus moment! He was making sure I knew that all I needed to do was call on him. In that moment, it was Jesus and me! He calmed my heart, my fears and mind. Once I dried my tears, I looked back and see my sweet little man sitting in his car seat with the sweetest expression on his face. He caught a glimpse of me and said "I love you, Mommy!"

Well, as days tend to do, day turned to night and night to day and we found ourselves on the eve of Tuesday, October 18. James was not going to be able to make and neither could my mom. So, what did I do? I called in my adopted Wetumpka grandma...Mrs. Jean! She and Mr. Fred have been so sweet to me and my family since we joined FBC. Being able to have them as part of our lives is another reason why I feel the Lord led us to First Baptist.

Mrs. Jean agreed to meet me at 6 am and off we would go. Little did we know that this "short trip" would end up being an all day event!

When I left the office last Thursday, Dr. V. told me I would need to come back and re-take one 30 minute test and then be on my way. Well, when I got there, there was paperwork to complete (I feel like these sweet girls know everything about me by now) and an eye exam. After the eye exam, I went in for the field vision test (this is what I was really there for, the test that I failed so miserably 5 days before). I had to wait 30 minutes in between taking this test (they wanted me to take it twice), so I re-did a pregnancy test (which was negative) and hung out with Mrs. Jean. After taking the test, I was taken back to the case study room to wait on the results to see if I now qualified for the study.

Let me interject here by saying that I asked the Lord to make this decision and path really clear. I needed to be certain, one way or another, that I was making the right choice...the one that He had for me. It was then up to me to listen and respond.

After sitting, for what seemed like forever, Ashley (the case worker) came in and told me that there was something a bit strange with my vision. It appears as though my blind spot is a lot lower than the average persons. I was seeing blinking lights and was clicking the button, which would cause the machine to shut off, since the machine knew I was not supposed to be seeing the lights (this is why they kept saying, only click if you are certain you see a flashing light). Sign from God #1. She asked if I wanted to re-take the test again and see if the results would be different or if I just wanted to proceed with treatment. I was a mess. I asked if I could call James and see what words of wisdom he had for me. He told me that it was up to me. He felt like I would benefit from the study, but the decision was mine. He would support me either way (altogether now, aww, how sweet--haha). By now I am a little tearful and feel like maybe my mom can help, so to the phone I go! I called her and once again, it was left up to me. She did voice that she would feel better with me just going ahead with treatment. I just could not find ease. By now, tears are starting to fall and I looked at Mrs. Jean and said, "I have prayed that God would make this clear to me and I just don't want to not listen." This was a FLASHING light from God, I just was not paying attention. Sweet Mrs. Jean gave me a pat on my shoulder...I knew she was praying.

Ashley came back in to the room and explained that I did not qualify for the study but it was not because of the blind spot...you ready??? My vision had improved too much to qualify! Now! How about that! SCREAMING VOICE OF GOD!! I fell apart at this point and began to apologize. I told her I did not know why I was so emotional, I just felt completely overwhelmed. There is something about seeing your prayers be answered. My God is amazing! He does this every day for every one! We just don't take the time to see the answered prayers before us! Mrs. Jean spoke up and said, "Well Heather, we have all been praying and this is what we have been praying for!"

Ashley immediately began to think she had given a false hope that I was all cured, but I quickly explained to her that any improvement was better than none and most certainly better than a decline. I told her that I had prayed and this was what I had asked for. God had heard my cries. Well lo and behold, she started to tear up! The Spirit was definitely moving in that room that day! Dr. V. came in and was not giving up on me participating in the study. I simply looked at him and told him that it was ok and that was the way it was supposed to be.

He sent us away for lunch while he tried to get it approved for me to be included (you had to fall within a range and I was like .01 "to good" to participate). He sent me away with a prescription for the drug, in case they would not let me participate, and an appointment to see him again. I was in the car calling James and my parents and Shareka (case worker) called to let me know they were not letting me in...answered prayer. I thanked them for everything and told them I would see them in January!

Mrs. Jean and I stopped for lunch after leaving and tried to digest all that had happened. I am so thankful she was able to go with me. I would have been fine being there alone, but there is something powerful about a praying woman! I know that she prayed for me that day. Words will never be enough to say thank you Mrs. Jean!

I filled my prescription that afternoon and started my first dose that night. The side effects are interesting. There is a tingle in my fingers (that has now moved into my hands) and toes (that has now moved into my legs to my knees) and also my lips...try kissing with tingly lips...thats an interesting one! My mouth stays dry most of the time and my appetite has decreased. Since my first dose of the new medicine, I have lost 6 pounds (answered prayer). You all know weight loss is something I have to do as part of my treatment plan, so this is not so bad. The worst part has been that my taste buds have changed-not for foods, but for soft drinks. I have not had a Mt. Dew since the 18th!!! Oh my goodness!!! I would give anything to have one! Thank goodness I can still have sweet tea-answered prayer!! I can still have any food that I want, those taste buds have not changed, so that is a good thing.

Prayer Requests:
1) That meds will continue to work as needed 2) That I will get some energy back 3) That I can continue to lose the weight as needed 4) That I can learn to live without Mt. Dew!!

Until next time...

A long, long day!

Friday, October 14 meant it was time for us to travel back to Birmingham for a visit with Dr. V and his staff! Since my eyes were going to have to be dilated, I did not think it would be the best idea for me to travel alone and have to drive back by myself. James could not make the trip, so my mom was able to meet me in Calera and ride with me (thanks Mrs. Betty!) and then drive Evan and me back to their house. It was homecoming at Bibb County, so I was excited to go to the game and see old friends! The appointment started right on time and with some of the same stuff. I had to go over paperwork and do a pregnancy test (this has to be done each time to ensure that I am not since I CAN NOT be pregnant while on this medication). Once these things were done, it was time for the eye exams!

The eye exams were fine, not much had changed...not too much can change, I don't guess, when you already can't see! haha! From there, I went to do my field vision test. It was the strangest thing! She kept saying, "Only press the button if you are sure you are seeing the light." My response was, "I am only pressing the button when I see the light." Come to find out she could not find my blind spot. Now, we all know that everyone has a blind spot. I completed those tests knowing that I may have to redo them. What joy!

I moved from there to have images made of my eyes. This was pretty cool! They took me to a machine that got really close to my eyeball and had me hold my eyes open really wide. When she took the image, it was showing all of the veins and vessels in the eye. It was pretty cool to see, not to mention my eyelashes looked amazing (haha!). The tech was very sweet and very patient as she could see I was a bit anxious and tired. By this point, we had been there for a couple of hours and my eyes had been dilated 2 times.

From there, I repeated the field vision test. It was more of the same...see the flashing light, click the button and once again I was hearing, "Heather, only click if you see." By this point, my flesh was wanting to surface, so Jesus and I were having a little heart to heart! It is amazing how calming that can be! What if every time we felt our 'flesh' begin to surface we did that! How different would our responses be? What would others see in and through us? Hopefully the love of Jesus!

After the vision test, it was time for more pictures. By this point, I was DONE! Do you hear me? D.O.N.E!! It is 4:45pm and we have been at this since 12:50 pm. My sweet Evan has been so good, he has not complained and my poor mother has been dragged all over! The tech begins the test and the more she tells me to open my eyes and not blink, the more I want to blink! UGH! She kept asking if I wanted a break and I would simply answer with a "No, let's get this done!" I did not notice that she made a phone call in the middle of the test, but this will be important later in our day. This test seemed to go on forever! We finally wrapped up about 5:15 and the tech got a page. We thought we were on our way home when she looks and says, Dr. V needs to see you again.

When we got upstairs, I saw my case worker, Shareka and she had a very serious look on her face. Once in the exam room, I told my mom something was wrong. She provided comforting words, but for the first time since all of this came up, I was scared. There was Evan. My little man. My love- looking so much like his daddy, the man I had given my whole heart to. I didn't know what to do. I began to pray. Dr. V came in rather quickly and sat down in front of me, behind his equipment and told me that they had detected something in some pictures and he needed to take another look. I told him I was scared and he told me that he knew, but he needed for me to relax. For the 3rd time- my eyes were dilated! Whew! They needed a rest!

Once he finished he said that he had called in back-up from the hospital and he wanted Dr. Shaw to take a look. He came in, looked and said that he felt comfortable saying that whatever they saw in the images was not really there and that my eye (right) appeared to be ok. Dr. V said that it looked like the bottom half of my right eye was black and that would have been caused by head trauma/bleeding behind the eye. That would not have been a good thing! Since they both felt like I was ok, Dr. V told me he would keep a watch on it but I was free to go home. He did inform me that I had failed the field vision test really badly and that I needed to come back to re-take the test. So, I scheduled my appointment for the following Tuesday. I think I have learned every crack in I-65 by now!!

Once again, God shown His faithfulness to me. 1) He helped me to get through all of the testing even though I was so tired 2) He helped keep my little man peaceful and at ease while he waited 3) He made it possible for my mom to be there so I would not have to be alone 4) He sent wonderful people to work with me throughout the day to bring encouragement and 5) He was there holding my hand when possibly really bad news was to come. I felt the Lord there with me, with his arms wrapped so tightly around me. No words could ever explain how that feels. The power of God is amazing and I am so blessed to have been able to experience it firsthand! I pray that I am eager and open to share all He has done for me when He provides the opportunities!

Until next time...