Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Unexpected Surprises...Expected Answered Prayers!

We made it through the weekend without too much talk of "Next Tuesday." Jesus and I talked a lot this particular weekend. I know that He knows our hearts, but sometimes (always) He wants to hear from us just what it is that we want. So, in true Heather form, I began to tell (ask) Him. I had not been scared about any of this until I was sitting in that chair looking across from my dr. unsure of what he was about to tell me. So, I prayed about my fears. Over the past 4 years I have learned that I don't do fearful very well. I like to be confident. I like to feel confident in decisions, I like to feel confident in others, and I like to feel confident in myself. I was missing that. So, I prayed. I needed for Him to take that fear and wash it all away...I could not do it. I needed for Him to restore my vision that seemed to be getting worse with each visit and test. It was obvious that there was nothing I could do about that either. It had to be a God thing. On the way home for church Sunday morning, WE had church in the Talley Durango! These words rang through our speakers and tears began to flow down my cheeks. It was just like He knew what I needed to hear in that very moment!
"When I call on Jesus! All things are possible! I can mount on wings as eagles and soar!
When I call on Jesus! Mountains are gonna fall! Cause he'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call!!"
Now, I call that a true Jesus moment! He was making sure I knew that all I needed to do was call on him. In that moment, it was Jesus and me! He calmed my heart, my fears and mind. Once I dried my tears, I looked back and see my sweet little man sitting in his car seat with the sweetest expression on his face. He caught a glimpse of me and said "I love you, Mommy!"

Well, as days tend to do, day turned to night and night to day and we found ourselves on the eve of Tuesday, October 18. James was not going to be able to make and neither could my mom. So, what did I do? I called in my adopted Wetumpka grandma...Mrs. Jean! She and Mr. Fred have been so sweet to me and my family since we joined FBC. Being able to have them as part of our lives is another reason why I feel the Lord led us to First Baptist.

Mrs. Jean agreed to meet me at 6 am and off we would go. Little did we know that this "short trip" would end up being an all day event!

When I left the office last Thursday, Dr. V. told me I would need to come back and re-take one 30 minute test and then be on my way. Well, when I got there, there was paperwork to complete (I feel like these sweet girls know everything about me by now) and an eye exam. After the eye exam, I went in for the field vision test (this is what I was really there for, the test that I failed so miserably 5 days before). I had to wait 30 minutes in between taking this test (they wanted me to take it twice), so I re-did a pregnancy test (which was negative) and hung out with Mrs. Jean. After taking the test, I was taken back to the case study room to wait on the results to see if I now qualified for the study.

Let me interject here by saying that I asked the Lord to make this decision and path really clear. I needed to be certain, one way or another, that I was making the right choice...the one that He had for me. It was then up to me to listen and respond.

After sitting, for what seemed like forever, Ashley (the case worker) came in and told me that there was something a bit strange with my vision. It appears as though my blind spot is a lot lower than the average persons. I was seeing blinking lights and was clicking the button, which would cause the machine to shut off, since the machine knew I was not supposed to be seeing the lights (this is why they kept saying, only click if you are certain you see a flashing light). Sign from God #1. She asked if I wanted to re-take the test again and see if the results would be different or if I just wanted to proceed with treatment. I was a mess. I asked if I could call James and see what words of wisdom he had for me. He told me that it was up to me. He felt like I would benefit from the study, but the decision was mine. He would support me either way (altogether now, aww, how sweet--haha). By now I am a little tearful and feel like maybe my mom can help, so to the phone I go! I called her and once again, it was left up to me. She did voice that she would feel better with me just going ahead with treatment. I just could not find ease. By now, tears are starting to fall and I looked at Mrs. Jean and said, "I have prayed that God would make this clear to me and I just don't want to not listen." This was a FLASHING light from God, I just was not paying attention. Sweet Mrs. Jean gave me a pat on my shoulder...I knew she was praying.

Ashley came back in to the room and explained that I did not qualify for the study but it was not because of the blind spot...you ready??? My vision had improved too much to qualify! Now! How about that! SCREAMING VOICE OF GOD!! I fell apart at this point and began to apologize. I told her I did not know why I was so emotional, I just felt completely overwhelmed. There is something about seeing your prayers be answered. My God is amazing! He does this every day for every one! We just don't take the time to see the answered prayers before us! Mrs. Jean spoke up and said, "Well Heather, we have all been praying and this is what we have been praying for!"

Ashley immediately began to think she had given a false hope that I was all cured, but I quickly explained to her that any improvement was better than none and most certainly better than a decline. I told her that I had prayed and this was what I had asked for. God had heard my cries. Well lo and behold, she started to tear up! The Spirit was definitely moving in that room that day! Dr. V. came in and was not giving up on me participating in the study. I simply looked at him and told him that it was ok and that was the way it was supposed to be.

He sent us away for lunch while he tried to get it approved for me to be included (you had to fall within a range and I was like .01 "to good" to participate). He sent me away with a prescription for the drug, in case they would not let me participate, and an appointment to see him again. I was in the car calling James and my parents and Shareka (case worker) called to let me know they were not letting me in...answered prayer. I thanked them for everything and told them I would see them in January!

Mrs. Jean and I stopped for lunch after leaving and tried to digest all that had happened. I am so thankful she was able to go with me. I would have been fine being there alone, but there is something powerful about a praying woman! I know that she prayed for me that day. Words will never be enough to say thank you Mrs. Jean!

I filled my prescription that afternoon and started my first dose that night. The side effects are interesting. There is a tingle in my fingers (that has now moved into my hands) and toes (that has now moved into my legs to my knees) and also my lips...try kissing with tingly lips...thats an interesting one! My mouth stays dry most of the time and my appetite has decreased. Since my first dose of the new medicine, I have lost 6 pounds (answered prayer). You all know weight loss is something I have to do as part of my treatment plan, so this is not so bad. The worst part has been that my taste buds have changed-not for foods, but for soft drinks. I have not had a Mt. Dew since the 18th!!! Oh my goodness!!! I would give anything to have one! Thank goodness I can still have sweet tea-answered prayer!! I can still have any food that I want, those taste buds have not changed, so that is a good thing.

Prayer Requests:
1) That meds will continue to work as needed 2) That I will get some energy back 3) That I can continue to lose the weight as needed 4) That I can learn to live without Mt. Dew!!

Until next time...